Baltimoron in DC
When You Get Caught Between Charm City and Chocolate City

Strippers Need Meat

As a Baltimoron in DC, I am often asked for advice by my Virginian neighbors on where to eat in Charm City. For crabcakes, I suggest G&M in the `burbs, Faidley’s in the city. For steaks, I usually grunt and point at Morton’s for the chain steak house, Jordan’s for the charm of Ellicott City and mumble bitterly about the demise of McCafferty’s. For seafood, I’ll ask “view or no view?” and offer Obyricki’s or Bo Brooks, depending on the answer. Cheesesteaks? “Looney’s or Captain Harvey’s. Go hungry.” Mexican? “Blue Agave. Drink tequila.” Barbecue? “Andy Nelson’s – I don’t care if it’s in Hunt Valley, just go.” American gourmet? “Bicycle or Charleston.” Brunch on Sunday? “Blue Moon or Paper Moon. I ain’t picky.” Need a place to go in a specific part of town? I got you, hon.

But, what of Baltimore’s other specialty, the pit beef sandwich? This was a question that dogged me for a while – which place is best? Bayside Bull is in Edgewater, so that doesn’t count, though they are good. Shorty’s and The Charcoal Deli are definitely solid on the north side of Baltimore County. The Charcoal Grill wasn’t bad either, if I recall correctly. Beefalo Bob’s in Pasadena is no joke. My stalwart, Big Al’s in Essex, is being reborn into a new barbecue place as I write this.

And then I found Chaps.

Well, more to the point, went back to Chaps. The last time I had eaten there was *years* ago, after a drinking binge with my buddy Alex that involved pitchers, shots, the Gentleman’s Gold Club and a stripped named…oh, what’s it matter? It was a fake name anyway.

In any event, I had Chaps with a clear mind – no booze and nude single moms with bad career paths to fog my brain. And damn….DAMN that was good! The beef was perfect, the sausage just spicy enough, and the ham was delightful. Served the right way, too. Onions, horseradish and in the parking lot of a strip club on Pulaski Highway.

The food was great, and seeing strippers in proper daylight was enough to make me swear off the clubs for another year, at least.

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